GROWN ASS CHILDREN

There are mommy and daddy issues that can remain suppressed in ones subconscious for many years while adversely effecting and affecting your relationships with friends, family and co workers. These repressed emotions, desires and longings become a part of your inner most being…Your character. 

Are they looking for love or looking for their mother or father? A Grown Child will want to connect with a parental figure of some sort in order to fill the void and compensate for the turbulent  past relationships. 

Most people learn how to deal and relate in relationships from their parents or their upbringing. How their parents related or did not relate can have a huge impact on the psyche of a child.  Children who carry these issues into adulthood, I call them “Grown Ass Children”…these are the adult sized men and women that act their shoe size and not their age. They are looking not for love but for a parent to come and save them or come to their aid.

QUICK BREAKDOWN

“Man Child”, a term invented by William Faulker, is usually an adult who is very childlike or has a childish demeanor. A person who is emotionally both simple and fragile, preferring but May not always need, to have a parent type figure to look after them. Completely incapable of making decisions regarding women, "manning up" when appropriate or discussing anything maturely, man-children are becoming increasingly more frequent.

Listening to K’ Michelle singing about how one cannot raise a man. Man-children will have notable traits such as thinking that they are somewhat different to other men because they have no emotional baggage and will have not been in a serious relationship. 

When discussing important things, a man child will remain silent, pretend nothing is wrong at the time and then once out of sight drop into a dead icy silence or will give you the "rabbit caught in the headlights" look when confronted. Most grown ass children quick to blame others for their own mistakes, ignoring problems and leaving them for someone else to “fix”.

However, man-children are tempting challenge for women and more often than not older women will take a man child under her wing as he will be impressed with her being “ experienced, mature, laid back, cool and at ease”. A common characteristic, they tend to seek out partners that will happily cook and clean for them and make their lives easier in other ways,

K’ Michelle.  

 Can’t raise a man

 “You can’t raise a man.

He’s already grown what you gone do?

You wonder why he acts like a boy?

It’s cause he was not raise right before you.

Girl, you ain’t never going to change nobody.

If he don’t want to, you can’t make nobody…

you can’t raise a man”

A man-child is not limited to men! There are women walking around with daddy issues taking it out on the men in their lives and then wonder why they are single.

GROWN CHILDREN

A person who is "of age" but still has the emotional/mental capacity of a child

RED FLAGS include, but are not necessarily limited to:

·         Difficult childhoods and/or not good relationships with parents

·         Whining/ Emotional outburst

·         Angry/Resentful or Bitter towards parents

·         Pattern of Unhealthy/Roller Coaster and Toxic Relationships

·         Multiple partners/Many Relationships at once

·         Not taking their personal health and hygiene seriously

·         Socially awkward

·         Cannot accept blame, criticism or responsibility

·         Emotional Instability/ Emotional ill-equipped

·         Pass the blame for their own underdeveloped judgment

·         History/String of Relationships that went from idealization to demonization/accepting no responsibility in the demise of the relationship

·         Neediness

·         Denial

·         Pettiness

·         Addiction

·         Abandonment issues

·         Narcissism/Exaggerated sense of entitlement

·         Violent/Controlling

·         Not "stepping up to the plate" when it's their role to

·         Abusive (i.e. verbally mentally/emotionally or physically)

·         Able to connect with children, but only as another child, not as a father or a mother

·         Not to mention an overall insecurity in whom he or she is as a man/woman

·         Unrealistic Expectations of their mate or Demanding

Grown ass children are searching for stability and connection. They are adult aged, yet emotionally they have repressed and remained stagnant in a child-like mentality. They are stuck somewhere in between. A difficult childhood breeds difficult an adulthood. This can spill over into dysfunctional and unhealthy attachments leading to string of roller coaster relationships (i.e. idealization to demonization). 

We all subconsciously repress emotions that are negative. It is a natural response. Grown ass children have no ability to accept responsibility for their behavior. Reading the Peter Pan Syndrome and The Wendy Dilemma, both by Dr. Dan Kiley, I do not agree with everything yet I firmly believe personality, character and social problems that stem from a dysfunctional childhood are on point.

The Peter Pan Syndrome (PPS) describes men, who are childlike in their relationships, their ability to handle responsibilities, and their pursuit of pleasure. Being a real man doesn't mean you sleep with 100 girls. It means you fight for one girl even when 99 others are chasing you... “He’s a man because of his age; a child because of his acts. The man wants your love, the child your pity. The man yearns to be close, the child is afraid to be touched. If you look past his pride, you’ll see his vulnerability. If you defy his boldness, you’ll feel his fear” (p.3).

He asked, “Can I get to know you?”

My response, “ONLY if you know yourself...”

Grown ass children are socially and emotionally immature. Think about Kelly Bundy or Charlie Sheen in Two in a Half Men, in real life being in a relationship with this type of person is far less than charming, it is more like a nightmare for more serious or mature minded individuals.

Grown ass children are more self absorbed, self involved and less evolved. These are people that are always on a quest for the next best thing, be it relationships, sex, cars, electronics, or whatever hobby…they are never satisfied. When it comes to relationships with a grown ass child, they will always find reasons it is not working if it gets to deep. So if it is no longer working or no longer satisfying to them, they bail…moving on to the next playmate (i.e. entitlement).

Men and women alike can exhibit these behaviors, personality traits and character glitches at different times in their lives, if any of them describe you or your partner it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship. The person you are being intimate with and building a relationship can be a dream or a nightmare, depending on their own level of maturity and personal evolution. You can have a child with someone, which is a beautiful thing, yet the other parent could be a grown ass child and make your life a living hell. Are you dealing with someone where you are constantly left to pick up the slack? Does your partner support you emotionally? And make your life easy?

You have to be as spiritually and emotionally attractive to me as you are physically. When I’ve dated someone or try to get to know them on an intimate level.  I like to envision them without the labels, job, career, the degrees, the cars, and the other hoopla…at the end of the day…those things do not matter…what matters most is maturity, integrity, and being earnest. I like to know who a person is at their core because those are the things that are going to raise your children, or hold your hand when you are sick...not the BMW. I like to see if they can still stand at all without the labels and crutches. 

Relationships are supposed to enhance the quality of  life, not diminish it. 
A person can ONLY know me, if they know thyself.

Do not be fooled into thinking you can help these grown ass children grow up! You win some and you learn some. It is best you find your way to the nearest exit of Never-Never Land or out of the Playground, and move on to a partner with the emotional maturity to be in a healthy grown-up relationship. 

Lady Logic reminder: Before you begin a relationship with someone, make sure that the relationship with yourself is where it needs to be.